Learning From Defeat | Virtue
Article Summary
Learning from defeat is an important aspect of personal growth and development. While losing can be difficult, it can also be a valuable opportunity to reflect on one's actions, identify areas for improvement, and make changes that will help lead to future success. By embracing a growth mindset, individuals can view defeat as an opportunity to develop their character and strengthen their personal virtues.
Develop resilience, humility, empathy and compassion. Today’s episode is all about this great virtue.
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State of mind
“Defeat is a state of mind; no one is very defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality. To me, defeat in anything is merely temporary, and its punishment is but an urge for me to exert greater effort to achieve my goal. Defeat simply tells me that something is wrong in my doing; it is a path leading to success and truth.” -Bruce Lee
It is important to note that Bruce Lee defines defeat not as a mistake or failure, but as an attitude of giving up or a depressive attitude, a loss of energy. We can call it negative self-talk.
Are we trying to blame ourselves?
Are we trying to blame others?
One way to make this major change in attitude is to take responsibility and re-frame the failure. Let's discuss this!
Continue reading below……
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We all get knocked down
We all get knocked down and experience moments where things go wrong. It is important to process your feelings about that failure, but you cannot dwell there. Failure is merely temporary and if you accept defeat then you stay knocked down instead of getting back up. You must accept defeat to be truly defeated.
When you have fear of failure, it can be harder to get back up after life knocks you down. Working through the feeling of defeat can be more difficult than deciding to stay knocked down. It can feel like it is going to be more hard work to overcome this battle.
The answer to your problems is within the problem itself.😮 Ironically this is the case. To find the answer next time ask yourself the following questions:
What is it you’re trying to do?
Why weren’t you able to do it?
Was it something that was within your power to control or was it outside of your control?
What can you learn from this?
Try new things, and get out of your comfort zone. This can be a new way to find correct answers. It is a learning experience. Just look at it that way.
My Story
Right this very minute I am going through this very experience. In fact, it is too fresh to talk about but I am learning from defeat. Here is what I found!
My mentor always says, "cause and effect are simply theatre playing out in the real world the 3D world." The first time I heard this it did not make sense. But every day, as I face new challenges, I see this more clearly.
In a nutshell, it all comes down to responsibility. Make responsibility a deliberate practice. I felt so threatened recently but the bottom line: there was a lack of communication. On my part first of all. The end result came with a lesson from failure. And that lesson was valuable.
Remember, my friend, it is not what happens that count; it is how you react to them. Your mental attitude determines what you make of it—either a stepping stone or a stumbling block. We are human beings. We are going to mess up.
I had the wrong mindset. Yes, even I have the wrong mindset sometimes. A light bulb went off over my head. I forgave myself for my past failures, set new goals, and put my best effort in moving forward.
Control How You React
You can control how you react to failure.
What did you learn?
Can you try a different approach to your endeavor?
What happens if you reposition your view of the situation?
I have found when in the middle of difficult situations that taking responsibility is an effective belief system that serves me in the long run. That responsibility can be as simple as taking charge of your reactivity. Reactivity is simply emotional symptoms of an ego's temper tantrum.
Often times we are reactive because what is happening is not in alignment with our intuition. Or put in Reality Transurfing terms it is not in alignment with our outer intention. Our ego wants its own way. When we listen to our ego and do not take responsibility for our reactivity it will always be the wrong answer. Just sayin!
Refragment Your Dream
As Bruce Lee said “Put the different fragments of the dream together and re-own these fragmented parts; re-own the hidden potential in the dream.”
Anytime we are defeated in some way, it is because we are working towards a dream. When we fail, we can think that all our effort was worthless, but originally there was excitement in our dream. Pick up those pieces of your dream, and re-own the dream. Ask your heart and intuition which are the pieces you should focus on. You'll get the right answer every single time.
It is easy to focus on the losses and the difficulty. Why not focus on the parts of the journey that were giving you joy, satisfaction, and energy?
Responsibility
It is not a shame to be knocked down by other people. The important thing is to ask when you are being knocked down, “Why am I being knocked down?” If a person can reflect in this way, then there is hope for this person. That is taking responsibility for your part in the knockdown. That my friend is the right mindset! This can be a great starting point in learning from defeat.
You have to investigate why you are being knocked down and be objective in your understanding of what happened. If you’re open to growth, then you know that there are things that you can do better with. Defeat educates and leads to the truth. Think of defeat as your teacher instead of as your enemy.
Bruce Lee also said, It is not what happens that is success or failure, but what it does to the heart of man. No man is defeated unless he is discouraged.
When you’ve lost your heart connection that is when you are defeated. Don’t let the failure break your heart, try and be in a relationship with the lesson instead. Like my mentor always says, "If you don't like where you are right now, find a way to love it." What I have found is this is one of the best belief systems and has served me on many occasions.
Why add the tension of emotion or negative thought to a situation which is in reality a passing moment? Do what seems wise to be done, forget it, and walk on. Do not take up residence in the negativity of failure. The sting of defeat is meant to be a wake-up call; not a life sentence.
Soak in the Negative Situation Sometime
However, I will add this. Sometimes we need to soak in the negative situation, process it, and understand it. Once you have done this you can forget it and walk on. Once the issue has been resolved. For instance, it took 10 days for me to process and come to a place of closure on my recent failure. And I wouldn't call it a failure, except for the fact that I beat myself up over this incident that just happens in real life!
At one point in his life, Thomas Edison had a beloved laboratory that burned to the ground. Thomas Edison is famously quoted as saying, "Can you believe it? Rather than saying, “Oh, God, what did I do to deserve this? Sixty-seven years I’ve faithfully lived my life, and this is what I get in return,” he says, “Hey, son, get your mother. This is one unbelievable sight! Look at that fire!” Talk about framing defeat!
There are major crises and tragedies that happen to us in our lives that we have to struggle through. Do not expect yourself to be chipper and upbeat during a tragedy, it is natural to struggle emotionally. It is tough, but in those crises, there are threads of growth that you can start to work with if that is a place you want to move out of.
If you can stay present at the moment during tragedy or crisis, then not every moment is a horrible moment. When my friend’s brother died, they were in a state of shock and grief, but even during this tragedy, there were moments when they would laugh. They would tell stories about him and laugh at what a crazy goofball he was. In those moments when there is kindness or joyfulness, take them and hold on to them. You might be in the midst of a bigger problem, but if you can stay present in the moment, there are also good moments in there.
By the way, that is authentic positivity, not toxic positivity. Because positivity is not toxic. Forced yes, but never toxic.
You Are Good Enough!
When Bruce Lee was in Hollywood, he was told repeatedly that he was not good enough to be a leading man or that he had the wrong skin color. It could have felt that “Everyone is telling me this so it must be true,” but Bruce believed in himself and knew himself. What the Hollywood establishment was saying to Bruce was just the mindset of a few people in power at the time, it wasn’t true in the general public. As soon as Bruce went to a different country he became a leading man. Sometimes you have to switch your position, or view of a situation, to accomplish what you dream.
The control of our being is not unlike the combination of a safe, one turn of the knob rarely unlocks the safe. Each advance and retreat is a step toward one’s goal. -Unknown
Sometimes you can have a good thing happen which propels you forward, and then a bad thing that brings you backward. Don’t get caught up on the small picture, instead focus on how you are moving in the right direction toward accomplishing your dream.This type of positive attitude will bring about real change.
The growth mindset person is known as pliable. When a man is living, he is soft and pliable; when he is dead, he becomes rigid. I always talk about this with fitness but pliability is life; rigidity is death, whether one speaks of his body, his mind, or his soul.
See the Blessing
With every adversity comes to a blessing because a shock acts as a reminder to oneself that we must not get stale in routine. One of the things I have found in my new strategies of life is to be cautious of importance. Importance is a topic we discuss in Reality Transurfing and Vadim Zeland says it best when we put something on a pedestal of importance, balanced forces will come in and knock it down.
An essential part of the learning process in knowing how to reduce importance. What I found during my most recent learning endeavor is that a big component of responsibility helps reduce importance. When you ask "How am I responsible for this defeat?" The answer will always come in reducing importance. And often times this comes in reducing the importance of self. I am just sayin!
Take Action:
When you get knocked down by life or circumstance ask yourself:
How can you reframe it as a learning opportunity?
How can you use this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself rather than place blame outside of yourself?
If you’ve recently been knocked down by something, ask “What would you like to teach me?”
Become your own best friend. Try some serious positive self-talk. This will be good for your own mindset and mental health. And I can promise it will lead to greater success tomorrow. And that is very good news. Don't you think?
Journal Prompts
Here are some journal prompts, also in your download of the week.
Look for the seed of an equivalent benefit in every defeat you experience. This isn’t always easy when you’ve suffered a setback, but it is an important part of the science of personal achievement.
The time to begin mastering this skill is now, instead of while you’re licking your wounds. Failure and pain are one language through which nature speaks to every living creature, pointing out mistakes.
Animals may become timid so that they avoid a threatening situation when it arises again; you must become humble so that you can acquire wisdom and understanding.
Realize that the turning point at which you begin to attain success is usually defined by some form of defeat or failure. With this realization, you need not accept defeat as a failure but only as a temporary event that may prove to be a blessing in disguise.